The question of how long sex “should” last is surprisingly tricky. Preferences vary widely, and what feels ideal for one person may be too short or too long for another. A recent survey sheds light on how long women actually like sexual encounters to last — and the findings may surprise some.
No single “right” duration
It’s important to stress that there’s no medically defined length for sexual activity. Many factors — emotional connection, arousal, energy levels, and personal preference — all influence satisfaction. Science can offer averages, but the “perfect” duration is ultimately subjective.
For instance, studies that track the time from penetration to ejaculation, also known as intra-ejaculatory latency, estimate that sexual intercourse lasts about five minutes on average.
Meanwhile, men tend to perceive their sex life as lasting longer, with many estimating around nine minutes. Research suggests the “ideal” encounter might hover near 16 minutes, but reality often differs from expectation.
What women actually want
To understand women’s perspectives, GQ writer Sophia Benoit conducted informal interviews in 2019. She asked women how long they wanted sexual encounters to last and analyzed the responses.
The results? Most women preferred sex to last between five and ten minutes, especially when foreplay was included beforehand. Benoit noted that many studies only measure penetrative sex, which doesn’t always capture the full sexual experience for many women.
“People often say they want sex to last longer than it actually does,” Benoit wrote. “Most women I spoke with underestimated their own preferences. In reality, their ideal duration was in line with, or even above, the average of around 5.4 minutes.”
Expert insights on sexual duration
Sexual health experts agree that there isn’t a universal answer. On an episode of Steven Bartlett’s Diary of a CEO, psychiatrist Dr. Alok Kanojia, sexual health professional Dr. Rena Malik, and adult film director Erika Lust discussed the “ideal” length of sex.
Dr. Kanojia explained, “The average sexual encounter lasts between three to seven minutes, and roughly half of women I’ve spoken to don’t want sex to continue beyond 15 minutes.”
Dr. Malik added that men and women differ in how long it takes to reach climax: on average, men may ejaculate in five to six minutes, while women may require up to 14 minutes to climax.
Bottom line
Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to how long sex should last. The most important factors are communication, comfort, and mutual enjoyment. Foreplay, intimacy, and emotional connection often matter just as much as timing.
In sexual wellness, satisfaction is measured not by the clock but by how connected and fulfilled both partners feel.