“Good heavens!”
The officer blinked. “What?”
The priest held the bottle up toward the sky.
“He’s done it again!”
The officer frowned. “Who’s done what?”
The priest lowered his voice dramatically.
“The Lord. He’s turned my water into wine.”
For a moment, the officer simply stared.
Then he crossed his arms. “Very funny, Father. Step out of the vehicle, please.”
The priest complied, still looking astonished.
As the officer began preparing for a sobriety test, another patrol car pulled up behind them. A second officer stepped out, curious about the delay.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
Her partner sighed. “Father here claims this wine bottle used to be water.”
The second officer looked at the priest, then at the bottle.
Without missing a beat, the priest nodded solemnly. “I’m as surprised as anyone.”
She bit back a laugh.
“All right, Father,” she said. “Walk in a straight line for me.”
The priest did so perfectly—heel to toe, without the slightest wobble.
“Now stand on one leg.”
He balanced with ease.
“Recite the alphabet backward.”
He paused.
“Officer, I’m a priest, not a magician.”
Even the first officer chuckled at that.
Still, he wasn’t entirely convinced. “If you’ve only had water, why do you smell like wine?”
The priest thought for a moment.
“Well,” he said, “I did attend a church fundraiser earlier. There was communion, a spaghetti dinner, and Sister Margaret insists on greeting everyone with a hug strong enough to transfer perfume, cologne, and apparently the entire contents of the wine table.”
The second officer laughed outright.
The first officer shook his head, trying not to smile.
Just then, the priest reached into the back seat and pulled out a casserole dish covered in foil.
“I was actually on my way to deliver this to the church picnic tomorrow. Care for a sample? It’s my famous baked ziti.”
The aroma drifted through the air.
The first officer’s stern expression softened immediately.
“Is that homemade?”
“Indeed,” said the priest. “Though after today, I may need to add a little less ‘holy water.’”
That did it.
Both officers burst out laughing.
The first officer handed back the priest’s license.
“All right, Father. I’m letting you off with a warning. But keep it under the speed limit.”
The priest nodded gratefully.
“Thank you, Officer. And should this water turn into anything stronger, I promise to pull over immediately.”
As he drove away, the second officer turned to her partner.
“You know,” she said, “that might be the best excuse I’ve ever heard.”
He smiled.
“Either that… or the most impressive miracle I’ve seen on patrol.”